Wednesday, January 13, 2010

"What have YOU done today to make you feel proud?"

Yesterday was not a good day. I let a lot of stuff get to me and I felt like crying by 4pm. Not good. I made poor food choices during the day and my legs were still hurting so I didn't get to the gym at all. My evening plans were cancelled by the time I was done teaching preschool and I was ready to go home and hide under my comforter until the weekend was here. *sigh* But then with help from a few nice people texting me their love and cheer, I was able to pick myself up, brush myself off and go on. I made a chicken burrito for dinner and enjoyed a long, hot shower.

I settled in to watch "The Biggest Loser" and instantly my outlook was so much better, that I was able to smile again! I just love that show. It motivates me every week. I started thinking about who I was when I started this journey and how I can't even recognize myself anymore. I also started looking at the way I am relaxing in my food/nutrition and that is starting to truly scare me. It's time to take back my journey and really account for what I'm eating and why I'm eating it. Am I falling back into eating just to eat? Actually I've started to fall into a new pattern. I'm eating because I'm afraid I won't have enough "energy" for my workout. I am craving peanut butter and I'm drinking a lot of coffee. I know this is not a good idea and it's time to make another change.

This season on Biggest Loser the contestants are really big. They are ready to change and they are ready to take their life back. I felt the exact same way when I started. I knew I was killing myself and I felt it. I was close to diabetes and had high blood pressure. I had so much fat on my abdomen and stomach that I knew that wasn't good on my organs. I was ready to change and I found a way to make that change.

I'm very impressed with Michael and Daris on this season. Michael is such a sweet guy with a big heart. He's also a cutie- even at his heaviest! (Yes, I have a little crush). Daris has curly hair and his comment last week about always being the one to dance with girls but he was always the one going home alone hit hard. I know how hard it was to date when I was bigger. It's hard to date now that I'm smaller. I had to be in love with myself before I was ready for anyone to love me. I had to find the confidence, and not "fake" confidence but real confidence. It's easy to be the hil-arious fat girl that everyone likes to be around but harder to be the funny yet serious girl that everyone wants to be around and may want to spend more time with.

Dating has been very hard to get into for me. I've gone out a few times and I have people that I text with and flirt with but it seems that a lot of people are telling me what I want to hear and then in person it just isn't the truth. I'm getting really tired of it and I think I've been working too hard at trying to find someone. I need to relax and move forward with my life and when it's time, it will be time to truly date. I am just impatient and I need to save some of the patience I use at work for my own life.

Today is going to be a great day and a much, much better day. I am at work until 4pm and then I'm going to the gym to run. I'm hopefully going to be able to run for an hour (as long as the gym isn't too busy) otherwise I'll run for 35 minutes and then do strength training before getting back on a treadmill for another 30-35 minutes. I would like to get 5 miles in again! I am going to keep it at a 5.0 the entire time without going up until the very end of the run. That might help me run the entire hour and not poop out for the last 15 minutes like I did on Monday.

Here is my food for today:
Breakfast: Coffee, Fiber one Shredded wheat cereal, cranberry juice
Snack: Dry cereal
Lunch: Oatmeal, orange, Jello, granola bar
Dinner: Grilled Chicken on salad

This blog really helps me to clear my head, especially after a day like yesterday. I think that it will be interesting to look back at these entries in 10 years...

Have a fabulous day!

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